Unfortunate

So I got dumped... again. I moved things too fast, too far, and got in way too deep. So nothing too new there. I started off this evening by finishing off the last of my anti-depressants, i haven't touched those in weeks, luckily i didn't have many left... i then proceeded to shoot a bottle of rum down with my buddy Eric while we watched the old Adam West batman movie, and even drunk that movie makes no sense.

I really didn't care if I ended tonight dead in a puddle of vomit, well of I do... I'm not suicidal but.. I just don't give a damn about things right now, ya know? I just don't care. What is really unfortunate is that even as drunk as I got. I can't sleep now, not a bloody wink. I try to drink myself into a stupor but I can't sleep all I have got is my mind replaying things over and over and over with all these possibilities of how I could have done things different, but at the end of the day, truly? Fuck her(okay so admittedly I WILL miss that part but that's besides the point I am trying to make). I am not going to say that I am such a huge prize and that it's her loss, but really, fuck it. If I didn't mess things up then I didn't so why waste my mind wondering how I could have fixed what she fucked up.

So yeah... I'm not completely good yet, fuck I haven't been truly good in a long fucking time but.. you know as sad as it is to be pouring out my woes on the tear-stained pages of dear diary, it feels good to be writing this out